READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
