Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
