I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
