Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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