I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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