I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
