i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
