I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
