Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
