Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
