Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
