Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
