then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
