I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
