How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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