proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
