no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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