I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
