we have pet lesbian snakes
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
