do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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