He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
