based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
