And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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