I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
