remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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