Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I could fuck to npr.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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