I CAN MOONWALK!
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
