Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
