hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
