that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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