currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
