you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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