You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
