i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
