I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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