we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
