How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
