My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
