im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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