Hey man sorry I got all grabby
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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