i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
a search helicopter?!
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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