My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
