This dress was meant to end up on your floor
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
