My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
