i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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