tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
