Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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