put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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