My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize