Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We need to get me chipped asap
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
