Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You need a sexual gate keeper
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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