just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
