Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
