my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
