my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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