If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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