I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
