Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
