R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
