glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
