I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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