I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
