No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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