I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
