Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
