You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
