She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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