I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
