Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
