Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
