dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
