just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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