Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This is the high leading the old right now
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
