i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
