WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
