So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
