Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
