if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
