Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
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