So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize