At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
