i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
