It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
