The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize