I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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