I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
