I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
