I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
