she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
